So You Want to Make Your own Video?

Click above to view a scanned image of this article as printed in The Times (2005)

Bargain-basement mobile phone video technology is all you’ll need (lo-fi = visually ascetic conceptualism), and you can save money and explore
selfhood by being your own star. No parlour tricks or gaudy displays of “talent”; simply perform an action. Adhere to the principle of Pictionary’s “action” category: difficuIt to draw, easy to do. Too tired to repeat the action? Loop the tape. Naked is good, smeered with goo, limbs flailing. Realise that your bodily functions may be your most interesting feature, but Intense boredom can be memorable.
Hawking your beautiful videos around unsympathetic galleries can be tough. It’s hard for dealers to adore things they can’t sell, and eight out of ten collectors prefer pictures. Answer: gorgeous stills, enlarged and framed. The video is your haute couture, the stills your off-the-peg. Finally, remember: no plot. Gallery seating means backless benches so art-lovers will be grateful knowing that once they’ve seen 20 seconds, they’ve seen it all. Oh. and professional catering for the private view obviously.